Time For Spring Cleaning…my brain is cluttered

There is a lot of junk in the closet...maybe it would be better to lay here.

There is a lot of junk in the closet…maybe it would be better to lay here.

Rather than work on my work work, I found myself poking around on WP today….how did that happen?

I should be finishing up my current project. Nothing has the capacity of dashing my spirits mo’ bettah than a tail-between-my-legs late submission. It just makes me feel like a heal.

Yes, I meant to make a rhyme.

But nooo; heal or no heal, I can’t seem to refocus myself to the things I am supposed to be doing. Instead, I am tripping over all of the clutter on my dashboard.

Where did all of these drafts come from? I have no recollection of writing any of them. Nor did I ever take the time to actually edit and publish them. No wonder I haven’t posted anything in close to a year. Why bother having a blog if I can’t commit to it? 

[pause….5 minute break]

So I thought about it and have decided not to be so hard on myself. In taking stock of the year since my last post, I have been pretty busy. In fact, busy to the degree that I feel it important enough to compile a list of some of the things. A list for my own personal reckoning.

Okay, forget the list, I’m going to detail everything in one kick-a@@ run-on sentence. Bring it.

I….completed a master’s degree in less than 12 months – with a 4.0 no less, started writing for money (yeah, I know, real dollars for scribing my half-baked ideas about law enforcement testing, shwong), had things surgically removed from my body, lost the innocence of thinking that no one would ever hurt my children, struggled (and continue to do so) to stand by and stand tall for the injured child all the while trying to not crumple up on the floor in overwhelming mommy-pain, attempted to come to terms with the fact that I can’t go home to visit my peeps until I can accept that home is where an excuse for a human being robbed my daughter’s innocence close to a decade ago, metaphorically lost my other child via the enlistment process into the US Air Force, adopted the most amazing socially-disordered animal and then fell head over heels in love with his stinky butt, decided to pack up and relocate across country again, lost an amazing family member after her wonderfully full and long life (RIP Cake Granny), reaffirmed that my man really is my soul-mate and I love him more as each day passes, have determinedly begun the journey to start another educational pursuit…and I didn’t even lose any hair…or the weight from having my thyroid surgically abscond from my innards. Busy.

For those that know me, I totally would have tried to say all that on one breath; and probably would have succeeded. Lucky for me my fingers don’t need to breathe.

In closing, I have taken it upon myself to schedule a number of sessions to reacquaint myself with the lackluster things in my blogger past. I shall reconnoiter the impedimenta of notations  left laying about. With due diligence I promise to pursue and complete the dashboard spring cleaning.

Peace out.


Skills I’ve Learned in the Last Year

Honed not chanced.

Skilz. I think I have mad skilz. This year? Hmm. I think the one skill I ‘picked up’ this year was a little doozie called fortitude. Though I didn’t just pick it up….I got my PhD in it. Through thick and thin I did not deter from my course, plugging away, I went, despite all of the detractors. I was determined to succeed no matter what road block rudely crashed into my way. Now, I have lost many of my little threads of sanity & I am definitely wearing scars and bruises on my war-torn body. But, all in all, after a little more time of respite care…may be another month of rest needed…I can look back and say to myself, “well golly gosh there chick, you DID IT…you picked up 2 teenagers and hauled butt 5 thousand miles away on barely a prayer!” Yes, I am self aggrandized. Behind closed doors and only in the bathroom mirror, as I grin madly at myself and say ‘you go guurrl’. But after having my moment with myself, I calmly compose myself, and walk out of the loo and retain my nonchalance. I am only secretly welling with pride, sharing it with myself…no one knows about the bubbles of excitement in my tummy..’cuz i am really just a humble gal.

Not one to take things for granted, I offer daily thanks to all of my special people who supported me through this journey & I pray their good will brings them much luck and good karma ~ they deserve it. Mahalo!

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